Sunday, April 26, 2009

Out of Nowhere

So. On Friday morning, I posted about how crazed I was feeling in preparation for our Adoption Fundraising Yard Sale. Part of the reason that I'm feeling so stressed about it is that I want it to be perfect. I want to make sure that I do everything right so that we can maximize the profits and thereby get us closer to finding our second child. I don't want to leave a stone unturned and regret it later.

Late on Friday morning, while Grasshopper and I were at the park, my cell phone became possessed. Every time it was opened, it immediately started dialing "4444434444#34433" on and on until you closed it. This happened if I was attempting an outgoing call, or trying to receive an incoming call. I turned it on and off, took the battery out to no avail. Since we don't have a home line, I was essentially cut off from phone conversation once we returned home.

I'm going to interrupt my story now to say that if you haven't read this post, you need to or the rest of my tale won't make an ounce of sense. It's long, I know, but it really is necessary. You only need to read the first question and answer. Oh, and you might want a tissue handy...

Yeah, lots of laughs, right?

Well, on Friday afternoon my possessed cell phone rang. I had just put Grasshopper down for his nap, and I considered not even looking to see who it was since I couldn't answer, but I decided to check since I can always email, IM or Tweet with the right people. The area code for the number dialing in was that of the small Midwestern city that has featured prominently in my life over the past few years.

I stared at that number and I started to shake. Then I started to cry. Then got sick to my stomach.

The scenarios were racing through my head at an alarming speed: Was Grasshopper's birthmother dead? Had one of the girls we had tried to adopt been removed from the mother's care? (it's happened to these "mothers" plenty of times before) Was the attorney calling to hassle us for more money, even though she cashed our check marked "Paid In Full For All Services Rendered" and therefore had no right to more of our money? Was it Vivian calling me directly for some reason?

I didn't know, and I had no immediate way to find out.

After a few minutes I calmed down enough to send this email to JR, "I just missed a call from (small Midwestern city) and I'm shaking and sick."

20 minutes later, he sent this response, "I am ill too. It was Evil Attorney and I spoke with her."

THAT WAS ALL HE SAID. (Remind me to strangle my husband later, okay?)

My response, "And?????"

His reply 15 minutes later, "Allison is pregnant again. They asked us to agree to adopt the baby."

My response, "Please come home. Please. I'm breaking."

17 minutes later, "Getting in the car now. I love you."

He got home, and we spent the next little while just clinging to each other as old wounds covered with layers of scar tissue were torn open again. Metaphorically speaking, we bled. I wept, and JR raged. I wondered about Allison, now pregnant with her 6th child, and how she was going to cope. JR wondered about Evil Attorney and her absolute gall in contacting us again. And both of us, both of us, were in awe of the stupid, stupid, stupid parts of ourselves that wanted to call Evil Attorney back and tell her that we would give them every penny we have if Allison would only give us another child.

We won't do that, of course. JR told Evil Attorney that there was no way that we were going to trust Allison again, and then told her a series of lies about how dire our financial situation is in the hope that if she believed that there was no money to be made here, that she would finally leave our family in peace. Unfortunately, he didn't ask me how I wanted to proceed before doing what he felt he had to do to protect our family.

I wish that I could call Evil Attorney and tell her that it's not as bad as all that, and that we would be trilled to adopt Allison's child given the right set of circumstances: That Allison support herself during this pregnancy like she did during her pregnancy with Grasshopper. That she have the baby, and sign the baby over, before we are expected to travel there. That she expect an extremely minimal monetary hand out from us, because the money just isn't there.

If she truly wants to place this child here with her other child, then it shouldn't be too hard to agree to that. If she just wants someone to pay her bills for the next 6 months or however long she has left in her pregnancy (JR can't remember what Evil Attorney told him regarding a due date) well, then she won't agree.

But JR is dead set against inviting any of these people's drama back into our lives under any circumstances, and I can obviously see his point. I just have a very hard time slamming shut a door like this one.


Tatiana @ said...

Wow. I can't believe what a horrible set of women you have had to deal with, and my heart aches for those little girls. I can't fault you for having a desire to adopt a blood relative to your little man, even after all that drama.

I had no idea domestic adoption was like that. Sigh. Very discouraging.

hayseed said...

I can see why you are feeling so upset and conflicted. What a challenging set of circumstances to experience. So sorry for your troubles.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Oh I'm crying for you. I read what went on with the previous adoptions and that's so heartbreaking. This was what we were too afraid of and why we decided in the end to search internationally for our daughter.

I wish I could do something for you or say something that would help. I think you know inside she's taking you for what she can get. What amazing cruelty couples have to endure just to have a family.

Sending you thoughts and hugs tonight. Be strong.

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Wow! Those women are literally putting you through the wringer girl. Big hugs. I hope they are better with the children they keep than they are with you...

Stacey said...

Again I am left speechless by what you've had to endure. Becoming and being a parent is certainly a painful process at times, but this...this is just unfair.

I wish I could do more, but for now, I hope that my prayers will help somewhat. Stay strong and keep us posted.

Anonymous said...

Let me know if there's anything I can do to help, either now or with the sale. We're having a party for you-know-who May 2, so I can't help that day. Even if it's just watching Grasshopper for a few hours, groceries, laundry, whatever you need. I hope just knowing you have lots of friends brings you comfort.
--Ilene H.

Mama Goose said...

Oh Sweetie. I'm just stunned. I can't believe the gall of those people and I'm so, so sorry that they have played to your emotions again. I wish there was something I could do to help you guys through this process. Just know I am aching for you too.

Manic Mommy said...

They're preying on you where you're most vulnerable. They know you are good people and they know your concern is not just to grow your family but for Grasshopper's biological siblings (all five of them!).

I don't have advice. I completely understand your need for hope and understand JR's need to protect your family.

These are vile people.

stephlove said...

Oh, Natasha, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. No advice. I've never been there and I see the wisdom in both his position and yours.