word games

I remember when Grasshopper was a tiny blob of a baby, he would look at me with his gorgeous "old soul" eyes and I would think to myself, "I can't wait until he starts talking so I'll know all of the deep things he is thinking about."


Fast forward 2.25 years & I am coming to terms with the fact that I still, as a result of Grasshopper's failure to grasp the finer points of enunciation, have no idea what is going on in his head 95% of the time. The other 5% I'm realizing usually relates directly to "chews" (trains for the uninitiated in Grasshopper Speak) "caws" (cars) and dye-sores (dinosaurs). Not deep thoughts in my book, but maybe in the unintelligible ramblings lie the musings on the id of toddler hood and the why of running in circles.


When my child speaks his father and I are hard-pressed to understand him, and anyone else stands little to no chance. I am going to provide here a Rosetta Stone of Grasshopper Speak. I will do my best with phonetics, but truly, if you are in doubt of how to pronounce something, just choose whichever pronunciation sounds LEAST like the original word or phrase & you'll be in good shape.


Eye Loddie: Ice water

Eye Loddie: I'm ready!

Eye Loddie: Are you ready?

Bud Lite: Bottled Water (if JR had actually taught him to say this, he'd be really proud)

NeeNee: Raisin

Bunny: Barney (everyone's least-favorite dye-sore)

Bunny: Bunny rabbit WHOO HOO (sounds like what it is!) Boo Hoo (seldom used that way!)

Bunny: Banana

Lodden: Backyardigans (I kid you not)

Li Peedie: Little People

Tee: Aunt Kerry

Shawn: Phone

Gi-bee-bees: Grapes

Fee: Fish

Puddy: Pumpkin

Caddy: Cracker


This is just a small sampling of the myriad noises that issue forth from my child's mouth that I must attempt to categorize into something actionable lest I be faced with becoming that mom again.

I have decided that Grasshopper Speak and my attempts at interpreting it are a sort of twisted word game. I figure that stay at home motherhood has cost me a few vocabulary words and also, perhaps my mental muscle doesn't get flexed as much as it once did, so figuring out Grasshopper's needs/requests in the time allotted (the time allotted varies, but as a 2 year old is in charge of the clock, it's never very long) is sort of like my own New York Times Crossword Puzzle! But TIMED! Thirty-nine or so times a day! Sometimes in the morning BEFORE coffee! Sometimes in the middle of the night! Sometimes when I'm on the phone with the insurance company! You get the idea.

So my brain is indeed getting a mighty workout. I have even won a few rounds of this game as evidenced by the Rosetta Stone provided above. I am still waiting for my Grand Prize though; those wonderfully deep thoughts buried somewhere in my little guy's head. I still believe they're in there.